The most public I have ever managed in writing is my work from my high school newspaper for three years. Even then, I felt far removed. I used newspaper as an excuse to skip class and eat Sonic on delivery day. Interviews were impersonal, probably because I was a blabbering underclassman who always picked the jacked up, slightly-handsome-if-you-close-one-eye-and-tilt-your-head-jusssst-right athlete over the kid who could actually give me a worthy quote. I even wrote monthly horoscopes under the name of ‘Esther Verona’, a local psychic who learned the language of the stars. Really, I was simply spending half of my time giving any gullible classmate a reason to worry until the next issue. (No, your girlfriend didn’t break up with you because the stars lined up with Mars. She broke up with you because you’re a dick.)
I’ve spent the past six years writing my heart out on different websites under many pseudonyms, jumping from genre to genre, eventually settling on a melting pot of murder, American lore, and romance. I call it Southern Gothic when asked, but no matter the term, I managed to somehow trick over 17,000 people to follow me on my main writing platform, Wattpad.
It’s not much of a feat for many, but when you come from a town with a little under 2,000 people, 5,000 begins looking like a big number, and 17,000 seems incomprehensible– how many home stadiums is that?
I have always written behind a screen. Other than the few times I traded my regular profile pictures of Captain Kirk or Julia Roberts for an artsy selfie, close to none knew what I even looked like, let alone what I did daily. (Which isn’t write or update regularly, if you ask any of them– I AM SORRY!)
Because of this, I didn’t answer to anyone. My readers saw me through the gifs I sent, translated my mood from how many explanation points I placed at the end of run-on sentences, and understood and digested certain words I sat together and separated in my stories. Our interactions were in the currency of a digital world, but even then, I managed to create relationships with people from across the globe. They understood the stories I tried to create, even though our concept of normal, daily life would be as different as night and day.
The point of this blog today, is to tell you this is one of the most terrifying things I have ever done, to simply create a website just to speak my own mind, completely unrelated from my usual writings of made-up worlds and the misadventures of my strange characters. On this blog, I’ll be the most raw me I can be, which can be overbearing, annoying, and have a tendency to not show up on time… or at all. But, I’m also oozing with sarcasm, thoughtful insights on the world around me, and the relentless hunger to write.
Since I graduated high school last month, I’ve made a deal with myself to allow my creativity to flow. I want to write every free moment I can find, and I want to document my life in photos, and listen to more music, and draw more often. I want less blocks– of any form– to slow me down. Just imagine me, a 5’3″ teenager, scaling over a two-story cube like Wonder Woman ripping apart a stonewall as she climbs it.
The writing will be choppy, unsure, and sometimes, even cringe-worthy, but I can promise I’ll improve(most likely) with each entry. This blog is like buying a new hat: You don’t look good in hats, so you’re going to keep wearing them until everyone around you is convinced hats were made for you to wear.
See y’all around,
3 thoughts on “It’s Scary Not Being Anonymous”
“I want less blocks– of any form– to slow me down. Just imagine me, a 5’3″ teenager, scaling over a two-story cube like Wonder Woman ripping apart a stonewall as she climbs it.”
I love this part so much. Especially the beginning of it and I totally understand the whole the fear of putting your name with your work when it is in the public eye. Most of my writing is kept private and away from friends or family. Sharing it on Wattpad will be the beginning of me opening up more with the start of my work but even that gets my nerves all crazy just thinking about it. I am loving your blog though! (By the way, it is gorgeously set up!).
How is it that something as simple as a blog post could hold such powerful emotions and messages written between the lines?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! I appreciate that 🙂